Union Jacked
by SasquatchLives
Summary: Angie and Jarvis get sucked into a trashy Captain America/Betty Carver romance novel while waiting for Peggy to return home from work.


Angie sat alone in the Stark mansion's library awaiting Peggy's return home from the office, a small paperback book in hand, squirming with excitement as the waning sunlight filtered in. Finally, she heard a door open.

"English!" She called as she stood up to greet her friend.

"I don't deny it, but I should prefer you to call me Mr. Jarvis" Jarvis remarked as he appeared in the doorway with an amused look on his face. "Have you been waiting for Miss Carter long? I fear she may not return until late."

"God damn- I mean, 'golly!' Sorry, J."

"No apologies are necessary, Miss Martinelli. I assure you, Mr. Stark has said much, much worse." He chuckled as he walked into the room, "Sometimes I fear I may end up in hell right next to him for being within earshot of such blasphemies. Is there anything I can assist you with in Miss Carter's absence?"

Angie looked down at the book and back up at Jarvis. "Well, not really. I kind of had a surprise for her" Jarvis stiffened and broke eye contact as his ears flushed red.

"If this is another 'private matter,' I will leave you to it. Have a wonderful evening, Miss Martinelli" He began to turn to leave, but Angie caught his sleeve.

"Hahaha, nothing like that, it's a book I found that I thought she would get a kick outta. I'm sure you'd enjoy it too, though. Look at this thing." She tried to stifle a giggle as she held the book up for Jarvis to see. Upon the cover, an enormous, glistening and tanned blonde man dressed in army attire held a waiflike woman wearing nothing but a British flag and shockingly red lipstick. The title was written in lacy, calligraphic red font: "Union Jacked", and underneath, in smaller white text, "The war isn't over yet, but Captain America and Betty are already seeing stars - and stripes!"

Jarvis was silent for some time before his eyes lit up and he spoke, "Dear God. That's Margaret." He immediately furrowed his brow and frowned, but Angie could tell he was trying not to laugh. "You must read me the first page." he said in a tone so serious that Angie was taken slightly aback.

"You asked for it, Slim." Angie began to read.

 _The trench was empty, save for two people. Captain America turned his chiseled, muscular neck to look at the British beauty beside him. They were safe for the time being - no bombers to be heard for miles around, but fireworks were sure to be going off that night. She looked back at him with glistening eyes, reflecting the stars twinkling above them. "I'm afraid, Captain," she said as she laid a hand on his unclothed, rock-hard abs, "But not as afraid as I would be if you weren't here."_

 _"Don't worry, Betty," Captain America said as he flexed his bear-like arms. "I betcha the only guns you'll be seeing in action tonight are these. Hitler doesn't have a chance." He pulled her into his arms as she sighed into his ear._

 _"My hero" she whispered._

 _"Trust me, Betty, the only iron curtain we'll face is the one on that bunker over there! You can count on it. Now, how about a little dance?" Captain America's hand slid down her back._

 _"You always know what to say." Betty and Cap tumbled into the bed..._

Jarvis had tears in his eyes and struggled to maintain his composure. "Why," he said in a shrill voice, gasping for air as he let out a laugh. "Why is there a bed in this trench?!" He cleared his throat and took in a breath "This is truly a masterpiece of our time. I urge you to continue. Wait a moment, let me bring in some tea first. We must make a night of this."

"I don't know if you're ready for the next part, J." Angie warned as Jarvis stood up to fetch the tea, but he just shook his head and giggled some more. She decided to spare his soul and start with a new passage.

Jarvis returned, tea tray in hand. "And would you like any sugar with your tea, Miss Martinelli?" he inquired.

"You can call me Angie, you know. And yeah, just a little, thanks."

"Now, that is much too informal. During your stay, I am your butler. But enough of that. Might I implore you to continue?" Jarvis fixed Angie her cup as she opened the book again.

... _The bombshell unbuttoned his trousers and he pushed…_

"SORRY! Sorry, I was in the wrong spot." Angie flipped forward a couple pages.

 _"Shh!" The soldier hushed his love and peered through the window._

"It looks like they're actually in the bunker now, Jarvie." Angie clarified.

 _He could only see a silhouette backed by floodlights, but that shadow of evil was recognizable anywhere. It was Hitler, in the flesh!_

 _"I'm afraid, Cap! What do we do now?!" Betty whimpered, falling again into his arms._

 _"Now listen here, ma'am," Captain America scolded, "When you've got freedom on your side, nothing can hurt you! You see this? My shield is a promise to keep every American safe, and that includes you." He hoisted her up to meet his face and they kissed, passionately. The warmth of justice brushed their faces as lips met…_

"Wait a moment, I thought Betty was British"

Angie and Jarvis both jumped out of their skins. "English!" Angie shouted delightedly and Jarvis stood as Peggy stepped into the room to greet them both, "Now we've gotta start over!"

"What in God's name are you reading? And what has come over you, Jarvis?" Peggy asked, intrigued. "I mean, it's obviously a welcome change. I've never seen him in this condition." Jarvis' brow was furrowed as he fought to withhold a giggle.

"It seems to be getting rather late, don't you think? And I fear I feel the need to take a bath." He said, voice wavering, "I will let you two at it. Goodnight, Miss Carter. _Angie_."

"You too, _Mr. Jarvis_."


End file.
